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25 January 2010 @ 05:17 pm
Rico With A Chance on Zora  
  • Title: Rico With A Chance On Zora
  • Author: Klaus Schilling
  • Rating: PG-13
  • Fandom: Hannah Montana, Sonny with A Chance, cameos of J.O.N.A.S, Camp Rock, Wizards Of Waverly Place
  • People: Rico Suave/Zora Lancaster, Lilly Truscott/Oliver Oken, Jackson Stewart/Portlyn, Chad Dylan Cooper/Tawni Hart, Jake Leslie Ryan/Marissa Hughes, Miley Stewart/Kevin Lucas, Alison Munroe/Joe Lucas, Mikayla/Nicholas Lucas, Nancy Oken/Guard Murphy and many more
  • Summary: Condor establishes a girls band, with Miley, Mikayla, and Sonny, as a female counterweight to J.O.N.A.S. The band is stalked by Rico and Zora.

Rico with a chance on Zora

Klaus Schilling


Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: iDon't Own any of the shows or any of the other quoted or alluded artworks.


Fandoms: Sonny With A Chance, Hannah Montana, JoBros

Genre: Melodramatic Multiplot Novella, Fluff, Family, Friends, Spiritual, Mystery, Science Fiction

Summary. Hannah Montana and Mikayla come to Condor studio for an audition, with the ambition of founding a girls' band that beats the brothers Nick, Kevin, and Joe Lucas. Rico sneaks in. He hunts hot girls, but which girl earns his respect and affection? Lilly and Oliver become stunt artists. Jackson is in for some fun.

Characters and Pairings: Miley Stewart/Kevin Lucas, Allison Monroe/Joe Lucas, Mikayla/Nick Lucas, Tawnie Hart/Chad Dylan Cooper, Rico Suave/Zora Lancaster, Lilly Truscott/Oliver Oken, Jackson Stewart/Portlyn, Jake Leslie Ryan/Marissa Hughes, Nancy Oken/Security Guard Murphy, Mr. Dontzig/Sharona and many many many more

The JoSis

Time. Miley's Sixteenth Birthday

Place. Kitchen in the house of the Stewarts

People: Miley Stewart, Jackson Stewart, Robby Ray Stewart, Lilly Truscott, Oliver Oken

Lilly started a birthday song for Miley.

Oliver chimed in.

Jackson moaned, annoyed because Miley gets more attention than he does.

Oh she's a jolly good fellow
Oh she's a jolly good fellow
Oh she's a jolly good fellow
Which nobody can deny ...

Miley blew the candles.

Jackson tried to prevent Miley from finishing the candles, but he got pushed aside by Lilly.

Miley smiled because she had finished all the candles. She had closed her eyes, wishing to get a singing role in a popular TV show.

Jackson moaned with disgust.

Oliver and Lilly applauded.

Robby Ray had fetched the cake cutter and passed it to Miley. "But be careful! Uncle Earl once cut his eyebrows with such a thing!"

Oliver and Lilly chuckled noisily.

The doorbell rang.

"Go and open!" Robby Ray commanded his lazy son.

Jackson moaned and walked to the door. Alas, he was too late. But he found a letter in front of the door. He shrugged and picked it up. "Miley, for you!"

MIley was excited. "A birthday gift?" She grabbed the letter and opened it.

"How many bucks?" Oliver asked.

Lilly told Oliver to shut up,

Miley's eyes bugged out. "No money, but ... it's an offer to audition at Condor Studioes!"

Lilly and Oliver jumped aloft and started bouncing about, cheering crazily.

Jackson moaned.

"How do they know that I'm Hannah Montana?" Miley was consternated.

Robby Ray chuckled. Hannah's manager had received the letter a bit ago, and Robby had decided to pass it to Miley on her birthday. He had figured that this was the perfect birthday gift.

Miley shrugged helplessly. She didn't really care, it was like a dream coming true.

Time: The week after, Tuesday, after lunch

Place: Outside Condor Studio

Persons: Miley Stewart(wigged), Mikayla, Allison Monroe (later)

Wigged as Hannah Montana, Miley arrived at Condor Studioes. Alas, she was dismayed. "Mikayla?"

"Hannah Montana?" Mikayla was flabbergasted. She stared grimly at Miley.

Miley and Mikayla jumped at each other's throat.

"Hey!" A girl's voice thundered next to them.

Miley and Mikayla turned around. "Sonny?"

Allison Monroe nodded. "It's me. You must be Mikayla and Hannah?"

The hostile singstars nodded.

Allison grabbed them. "We need to go straight to Mr. Pike, one of the Executive Producers of Condor Studio."

Miley and Mikayla nodded, following Allison.

Time: Ten minutes later

People: Marshall Pike, Miley Stewart, Allison Monroe, Mikayla

Marshall Pike sat in his armchair and grumbled. "OK, Hannah? Mikayla?" He sighed.

The girls nodded solemnly.

Background music is very important, especially theme music for our shows. So far, Condor Studio hasn't got a decent band. But I'm willing to change that.

The girls smiled.

"Everyone knows the JoBros, the band of thoe three brothers Kevin, Joe and Nick Lucas, and many people think of them as a totally harmonic band. But I say ... girls can do that better!"

Mikayla, Miley, and Allison gazed strangely at each other.

MIley choked. She was at Mikayla's throat, and vice versa, how could the three of them ever turn into a harmonic group? That appeared so ... insane.

Alas, Mikayla and Miley plastered a fake smile.

"Excellent!" Marshall Pike smiled. "And the name of your group ... it will be: The JoSis!"

The girls coughed noisily. Even if they dared to dismiss their differences ... were they really up to such a task that, as the name suggested, awas no less than becoming the female analogue to the JoBros Nick, Kevin, and Joe? Only time was going to tell!

Place: Rico Suave's room

People: Rico Suave

Rico grinned. Unbeknownst to Miley, he had been able to attach a micro camera and microphone to one of her vest buttons. Now he was watching Miley walking the studio. There was no doubt that Rico was following his enemy even there, with the intention to make her life miserable. Maybe he could even start tormenting the older Condor girls, such as Tawnie Hart and Allison Monroe, in a similar manner. He didn't have any respect for those dumb girls. The girl that deserved Rico's true respect probably wasn't yet born, or so he thought.

Place: Jackson Stewart's room

People: Jackson Stewart

Jackson grinned. If Miley, or, better, Hannah Montana, got accepted to one or the other shows of Condor studios, he was going to pretend to be one of Hannah's lovers, as he had once done, and get access to certain exclusive circles, which he enjoyed immensely. Maybe there were even a few hot lasses to meet. He swooned in anticipation of the many parties.

Place: Lilly Truscott's Room

People: Lilly Truscott, Oliver Oken

Oliver and Lilly had always dreamt of accompanying Miley, or, better, Hannah Montana, to their parties. They had often used disguises as fake as Miley's wig. But maybe, some day, they were becoming celebrities on their own right, and hence wouldn't need to hide. Their greatest talent was skating. They had heard that good skaters had a great chance to get accepted as stunt actors. Maybe they should just try?

The Studio

Time: The week after, Monday 4 p.m.

Place: Condor Studio 4

People: Miley Stewart (wigged), Allison Monroe, Mikayla, Marshall Pike, Robby Ray Cyrus, Jackson Stewart, some studio workers (background)

This was the day of the first probatory taping for a record project.

It's needless to say that Mr. Pike also wanted to make a music video with his new band, the JoSis.

Robby Ray Stewart was also present because he was still Hannah's manager.

Alas, several members of the casts of Condor's shows have become suspicious: Was Robby Ray not just the manager, but also the father of Hannah?

Jackson Stewart had also snuck into the studio. He was publically known as one of Hannah's ex-lovers.

Pragmatic Marshall Pike didn't care, as long as Hannah sang well and contributed to the show.

The first song they tried was Girls just want to have fun[1]

Mikayla, Sonny, and Hannah gave their best.

Jackson applauded.

Robby Ray nodded.

Jackson Stewart decided to disappear and look around elsewhere in the studios. "I'll be back at the entrance of the hall in an hour ..." he told Robby Ray.

Mr. Stewart nodded. "OK, but don't trash too much of the studio equipment!"

Jackson grinned.

Miley sighed with relief. Jackson she had feared Jackson's stupid remarks which made her life hard, oh-so-hard. But, it was still not easy. She had always considered Mikayla as an evil beast. Now they were hired to work together. But, since the begin of the rehearsals, they had launched snide remarks and gazes at each other.

Sonny moaned. She was secure in the knowledge that it was her task to get Mikayla and Hannah respect each other, for the sake of their job. She had thus successfully suggested to stand right between the two bickering colleagues.

"In those good old times ..." Robby Ray sighed. He and Marshall had worked a lot together when both of them were still regularly active on the stage. But the youth of today was totally spoilt, and they bitched and moaned constantly.

Place: Studio 3

People: Jackson Stewart, Nico Harris, Grady Mitchel, some studio workers (background)

Jackson had strolled a bit, and now he stuumbled into studio three.

Nico grinned. He had been there with Grady for over an hour, rehearsing another skit.

"Hey guys!" Jackson grinned.

Nico and Grady laughed without reason.

"What's so funny?" Jackson wondered.

Grady and Nico grinned more and more.

"OK, guys ..." Jackson couldn't help laughing along.

"Hey!" Grady remarked. "I haven't eaten anything in three hours!"

Jackson shrugged. "Is there a cafeteria or a snack booth somewhere? I could use a bit of fuel for my stomach."

Nico and Grady grinned. "Hehehehe!"

Jackson chuckled along.

Place: Hallway of the Studio


Zora Lancaster(initially invisible)
Rico Suave

Rico had snuck into the hall. He was looking for some dumb people to annoy. Suddenly, he felt some minor pain in his neck. "Ouch!" He looked around, but he saw nobody. "What was that?" He felt the same thing again. Alas, he heard a silent chuckle. He tried to locate the noise. After yet another minor pain, he was sure that the noises came from the ventilation. He pretended not to know anything. He moaned once more when he was hit for the third time. He snuck to the grate that covered the ventilation. "Come out, whoever you are!"

The grate opened, and Zora Lancaster showed up. "Damn' ... you're the first stranger to get at the bottom." She sighed.

"My name is Rico!" He told Zora. "Aren't you from the show So Random?"

Zora nodded. "Yeah, but I like to hide in smart hideouts and annoy people from there."

"Cool!" Rico whistled innocently. "Even I like bothering dumb people, especially Miley Stewart, aka Hannah Montana."

"Aw, I so knew it ... we're running a bet here that Hannah is really Robby Ray's daughter ..."

Rico chuckled. "I don't have a proof for that, but I'm working on it. She's so stupid, her rote memory isn't worth zilch. "

Zora nodded. "I know. They always make fun of me because I'm smarter then them. They are so deprecable fools!"

Rico grinned. "I guess you've explored the ventilations?"

Zora nodded. "Yeah, I know my way around ... very well!"

"May you reach the cabins where the actors get dressed?" Rico wondered.

Zora nodded solemly.

"May you show me through the vents?" Rico begged like a puppy. "I think I could use that well ..."

Zora nodded solemnly. "I guess we can have a lot of fun if we work together on conning all those idiotic drama queens and jerks!"

Rico smiled and high-fived Zora. "That we will!"

Zora drew a sketch of the ventilation shafts, explaining where all the shafts went to.

Rico nodded and memorised the sketch. "That's cool! Now I know my way around, too ..."

Zora smiled. Finally there was some biy that was not as downright stupid as her colleagues and the whole staff of Condor Studios.

Place: Studio 4


Allison Monroe
Miley Stewart(wigged)
Marshall Pike
Robby Ray Stewart
some studio workers (background)
Jackson Stewart (later)
Grady Mitchel (later)
Nico Harris (later)

Marshall Pike was proud of the outcome of the first tapings. They certainly had to be patched and cut all the way, and some of his friends from the record productions was going to do that. "Thanls, girls!" He beamed. "JoSiS will have a great future!"

Robby Ray Stewart nodded solemnly.

The door opened, and three totally worthless guys, known as Jackson Stewart, Nico Harris, and Grady Mitchell, bounded in. They held some sacks filled with snacks in their hands.

"I'm hungry, too!" Robby Ray moaned. He tried to grab something from Jackson's sack, but it was already empty.

Jackson burped.

Nico and Grady burped even louder.

"That's disgusting!" Miley remarked.

Mikayla and Sonny nodded solemnly.

Uhmmmm ... how could Mikayla agree with Miley? But OK. Miley was content with that first day, even if she was forced to bear Mikayla - but better her than a bunch of disgusting boys, lead by Jackson.

[1] by Miley Cyrus, but it is actually much older. I don't own it, either ways.

Foord War

Time. Two days later

Place. Cafeteria of Condor's Studio

People: Cafeteria Lady and some helpers(background), Miley Stewart Stewart (wigged), Mikayla, Allison Monroe, Marshall Pike, Grady Mitchell, Nico Harris, Jake Leslie Ryan (later), Marissa Hughes (later), Rico Suave (hidden), Zora Lancaster (hidden)

"Yum! Battered bacon" Grady beamed when he sat down in the cafeteria and studied the menu of the day.

Being unseparable from Grady, Nico chose the same table. "Today, it's your turn!"

Grady shrugged. He had agreed with Nico on taking turns on waiting in the queue for fixing the repasts.

Miley shuddered with disgust when she walked past Grady. "Isn't that the belching monster?"

Grady grinned and chuckled in a truly gross manner.

"Behave!" commanded Mr. Pike. He wasn't happy when Nico and Grady tried to impress the girls with their barbaric demeanour. Then he found a table for himself and the girls.

Mikayla almost stumbled down to Nico's feet that were in the way of hers.

Fortunately, Miley caught her fall. She was a bit consternated because of her deed. Could they really become friends? Miley doubted that severely. She suspected that Mikayla was never going to than Miley for her intervention. Alas, Mr. Pike shouldn't know about their bitter rivalry.

Mikayla plastered a deceptive smile.

Sonny sensed that their was something wrong between her fellow JoSiS. She wished that Mikayla and Miley were friends, but she couldn't really force it. Maybe the upcoming mini-tour was going to forge them tighter together, especially when the competition started. And their main competitors were, of course, the brothers Lucas. And unless the three star girls got along in a sisterly manner, there was not a snowflake's chance in a blast furnace.

Mr. Pike told Mikayla to follow him to the end of the queue, while Sonny and Miley started arranging the table.

Sonny wanted to know about the reason for Mikayla's and Miley's bickering.

Miley sighed. How much could she trust Sonny? She knew that Sonny was aware of speculations concerning Hannah Montana's real identity as a daughter of Robby Ray Stewart. The public mutual behaviour of Hannah and Robby Ray had always reveiled a deliberate touch of familiarity rather than the result of a professional contract. But was Miley really ready to admit to that? What was going to change iif her colleagues knew about everything? Miley started talking about a few problems she had had with Mikayla, in particular the triangle affair involving Jake Leslie Ryan, kind of, sort of.

Sonny choked. "Leslie Jake Ryan?"

"Do you know him?" Miley was excited.

Sonny nodded solemnly. "He had once had a guest role before I made it to this show. He had hit on Tawni, but he got his fingers burnt!"

Miley coughed. She had never known that Jake was such a jerk. Or maybe he wasn't enough of a jerk, for if he had been, he wouldn't have got his fingers burnt, he would have simply shrugged it off and moved on to the next girl. Whatever, even without a fake identity, Jake remained a great riddle for her.

Alas, Sonny wasn't yet finished. "By the way, Jake is about trying out for a new recurring rôle in MacKenzie Falls." She shrugged. "He could arrive any day ..."

Miley sighed deeply. As she was still lusting for Jake, and so did Mikayla, there wasn't going to be any peace, was there?

And the day Sonny had been talking about was there: Jake Leslie Ryan entered the cafeteria, side by side with his former on-screen interest Marissa Hughes. What if the two had become a couple for real? Miley shuddered with disgust.

Mikayla and Marshall came back from the counter, having fixed some tasty meals and drinks.

Mr. Pike recognised Jake leslie Ryan. "Sorry, girls, I've just found someone that I've got to talk to." He sighed.

The girls waved at Marshall.

Mr. Pike walked over to Marissa and Jake and shook their hands.

Miley glared at Jake.

Mikayla wondered what had been going on, but now she saw Jake. She was a jealous for Marissa as Miley.

Sonny had never seen Jake before, but when Miley and Mikayla started checking him out, she did the same. Oh my dear, Jake was so terribly hot! The best of the best she had ever stumbled upon since she arrived in Hollywood. There was no way for her to leave him to Mikayla, Miley, or, even worse, Marissa ... not without a fight to the death!

Noises were heard from the ventilation above the girls.

The girls were stuck gazing at Jake and Marissa. For that reason, there was no way for them to notice what was going on.

A fishing rod appeared in the ventilation slot. A hooked string was lowered above the girls' heads.

Grady belched disgustingly, which kept the girls even more from noticing what was going on.

Suddenly, the meals of the girls found their way upwards and into the ventilation slots. Apparently, Rico and Zora had been behind that action.

When the girls decided to break their gaze, they found their plates half-empty.

"Fess up!" Miley yelled at Mikayla.

"I don't know why! Hey! Where are my latkes?" She was consternated.

"Miley took them!" said Sonny. Of course this had not been the case.

Mikayla took a bowl of salsa and was ready to pour it all over Miley.

Ducking swiftly, Miley avoided that her wig was hit. The salsa covered her soulders, instead.

Sonny grinned. "More! More! Sock it to her!" She cheered enthusiastically. With Mikayla and Miley trying to beat each other, Sonny saw the chance of her life for being the laughing third.

Miley fired back.

Other guests in the cafeteria were upset, but they couldn't help taking sides and chiming in.

A few minutes later, there were no more sides. Everyone battled everyone in an epic food war of an extent hitherto unknown in Condor's cafeteria.

Rico's and Zora's chuckle was too subtle to be heard through the turmoil and mayhem.

Miley was glad that she had saved her wig. Alas, she was aware of the fact that Sonny had got the hots for Jake, too. Now there was no potential friend left. Miley was totally left on her own.

JOBROS Are Coming To Town

Time. Two Days Later

Place. The Condor Studios, MacKenzie Falls

People. Chad Dylan Cooper, Portlyn, Marshall Pike, Jackson Stewart, Guard Murphy (background), Tawni Hart (later)

Mr. Pike shook his head. "You need to show her that you forgive her for cheating on you."

Chad gazed ignorantly.

Mr. Pike was despaired. Chad Dylan Cooper had been keeping on treating Portlyn like dirt, while the script mentioned that he should readily accept Portlyn's sincere apologies.

Portlyn was desperate. She had been rehearsing for over three hours, and this wasn't going anywhere.

"What are you doing here?" yelled Chad. He glared arrogantly at Jackson Stewart.

Jackson sighed. He wondered while Miley's practice was not yet over. That's why he had been watching the taping of another episode of MacKenzie Falls. "I have to waste a few minutes. Then I'm appointed with my si ... er... with my syringe!"

"Your syringe?" Chad looked dumb.

Jason nodded. "I've got the Japanese penguin flu, and I need a syringe against it, every two hours."

"The Japanese penguine flu?" Portlyn had never heard about it.

"It's not contageous," affirmed Jackson.

The others sighed with relief.

Guard Murphy kept on walking up and down the site, until he heard someone approaching.

Fortunately, it was just Tawni.

Alas, Chad was upset. "So Random folk is not welcome here," he thundered at the top of his lungs.

Tawni shrugged and ignored Chad's words, cold as ice.

Portlyn sighed. "There you are. Sorry for taking your lip gloss on accident."

Tawni shrugged. "Be more careful, next time or so ..." Alas, Tawni was happy that all the girls, barring Zora who was still too young, had started to use the same brand of lip gloss that she had used first. She was now sort of a trend setter.

Chad grunted. "OK, Portlyn, I know that it's hard to ..."

Mr. Pike shook his head. "I haven't yet started the scene!"

Jackson chuckled. "Is it true that the J.O.N.A.S Brothers are coming to town? Or Lucas, as they call themselves."

Portlyn and Tawni swooned.

Marshall nodded. "They want to challenge our JoSis band. It's sort of a duel. Only the winner will then be entitled to use the prefix Jo."

Jackson grinned.

"Those third-class dweebs are not a challenge for me," affirmed Chad. "The girls here are all reserved for me, and the JONAS wanks will run screaming."

Marshall shrugged. "You're such a sexist."

Tawni shook her head. "No, I am the sexiest!"

"You wish!" Chad cackled noisily. He took a mirror from his pocket and glared into it. "Mirror, mirror, in my hand, who's the sexiest all over this land?"

Tawni grabbed Chad's mirror. "Me!"

"Awww ..." Chad turned sarcastic. "are you Randomers that desperate?" He played with his lips.

Tawni looked grimly at Chad. Then she threw her arms around him and pulled him into a flash kiss.

Chad was flabbergasted. But he recovered fast. "See, I'm irresistable." He grinned sarcastically.

Tawni shook her head. "I just needed to show you how a real woman kisses, not like one of your cheap flirts!"

Mr. Pike looked at his watch. "Can't you discuss this after the final whistle?"

Chad thought that Tawni was so damn right, her kiss was really outstanding. But he was neither able nor willing to admit to that in the open.

Tawni redid her lips, using the luxury gloss.

Mr. Pike sighed. "I guess it's all for today, we ndefinitely need to work on this scene"

Chad was glad. So powerfully did the brief yet infinitely passionate kiss of Tawni Hart affect him, and the fiery case which preceded the kiss, that he felt rendered unable to concentrate on continuing that rehearsal.

Tawni, on the other hand, was well aware of the fact that her kiss was not just one of oh-so-many many kisses that Chad had hitherto given or received since he had set foot on Condor Studios. But she hadn't remained unimpressed, either. Anyways, she had rendered him subtly embarassed, and that's all she wanted, at least for the time being. She was rather looking forward to the arrival of Nicholas, Joseph, and Kevin, aka the JONAS. She wanted to be the first girl to be able to boast rightfully with having kissed all three of them during the same evening.

Jason shrugged. "Ok, time for the syringe."

Portlyn shrugged. "Want to come with me for a coffee? After your syringe, that is."

"Er, why, sure?" Now he had forgotten about Miley.

Place. Entrance Yard of Condor's

People. Rico Suave, Zora Lancaster

Zora grinned. "I've inspected the ventilations of the concert hall, just a few months ago."

Rico smiled. "So, this means we will make it to the concert?"

Zora nodded. "It's our greatest chance to make fun of six brainless wannabe rock legends at the same time."

Rico high-fived with Zora. "That's true, so true!"

Time. Next Day

Place. Lounge of the residence of the Stewart family

People. Miley Stewart, Robby Ray Stewart, Jackson Stewart, Lilly Truscott, Oliver Oken

Miley was in a really stinky mood. "I had to wait two hours for you!" She blamed Jackson mercilessly.

Jackson claimed that it was an emergency. "Portlyn was so hot, I had to be careful, avoiding to burn my fingers."

"Are there more chicks like her at Condor's?" Oliver grinned.

Jealous Lilly poked him rudely in the chest.

"Ouch!" He sighed. Although he dated Lilly on a regular albeit inofficial base, he didn't refrain from watching out for other girls.

Lilly just wanted to know how to get into the concert. "I've heard the tickets are expensive and the vacancies are scarce."

Robby Ray shrugged. "All great concerts are like this."

Miley sighed. "OK, Marshall has still got a few free tickets, complete with backstage passes. If you hurry up and try out for the role as stuntmen for MacKenzie Falls ere the end of the week, you will be lucky."

Oliver and Lilly looked at each other, and they started beaming with excitement. They decided to skate a few turns, practising some perillous stunts.

For Miley, it was going to be a tough time, or so she assumed. She was forced to get along with Sonny and Mikayla until the concert, otherwise her career would have been bound for failure.

Before The Concert

Time. Monday before the great concert

Place. ventilations of the concert hall

People. RicoSuave, Zora Lancaster, Mikayla (off stage), Miley Stewart(off stage), Allison Monroe (off stage)

Rico beamed. "You were right, from here,we;ve got an excellent panorama over the cabins of the girls!"

Zorah nodded and grinned. "And the same goes for the boys' cabin, which is just on the other end of the long shaft."

Rico grinned with glee.

Zora showed him her sketch of the ventilation system. "Actually, quite easy, see?"

Rico nodded. Actually, he was somewhat sad.

"Rico?" Zora shrugged. "What's up?"

Rico sighed. "When I came to Condor Studio for the first time ..."

Zora shrugged. "OK, so, what was then?" She noticed that it wasn't easy for Rico to talk about it.

Rico moaned. "Well, I thought it was cool for a little boy like me to try to flirt with those drama queens, such as ... Portlyn, Tawnie, Sonny" He choked with disgust. "I was so stupid."

Zora sighed. "OK, that was then, why are you still clinging to that thought?"

"I once tricked Miley, not dressed as Hannah into a kiss, and would have liked to do that to the other bigger girls, they disgust me, but it was cool."

Zora chuckled. "I've often dreamt of tricking one of the three JoBros guys into a kiss. And you're right, it's disgusting, but cool."

Rico sighed. "Alas, now it feels like cheating on a dream girl."

Zora wondered. "OK, who's that girl you dream of?"

Rico looked at Zora and blushed a deep shade of crimson. He stammered.

Zora blushed back. "Aw, you're so awesome, Rico."

The shaft was pretty narrow down there, and it was cumbersome for two kids of Rico's and Zora's size tomove at the same time, but they managed to hug.

"I love you, Rico," whispered Zora into Rico's ear.

Rico blushed even more. "Love you too," stammered Rico. "Always and ever!"

Noises were heard.

"Ooops, the girls are coming," announced Zora. "I need the fishing rod!"

Rico cackled. "There it is!"

Zora extended the rod, and she used a self-made mini-periscope, attached to the rod, in order to direct the rod, line, and hook.

The hook was not a usual barbed fishing hook, but it was sort of a little snap trap.

A few seconds later, the trap clicked.

Zora used the windlass in order to fetch the catch: Miley's wig that made her Hannah Montana.

Rico cheered, but he controlled his voice sufficiently, hence not betraying himself and Zora.

The accoustics in the shafts differed considerably from the one in the outer world, and it had taken Zora some time to figure the right measure.

Mikayla's scream of consternation was heard when she saw "topless" Miley.

Sonny was apparently equally flabbergasted, although she had never seen natural Miley.

Zora chuckled. "You're right, Hannah and Miley are the same person!"

Sonny was heard struggling in vain, trying to separate fistfighting Miley and Mikayla.

But one thing was obvious: Only a few days were to go until the first public performance of the JoSis, and they were a bunch of struggling furies ratehr than like sisters.

Zora sighed with relief. "You don't have to be ashamed for your kiss with Miley, I know that you've never liked her. I'm even proud of you!" Zora giggled. "Oh, if you've made a pic of your kiss with Miley, we could sell it to the yellow press, once Hannah's identity is reveiled to the public, and thus strike a fortune!"

Rico and Zora nodded. Then they took another turn. They were up to pulling some pranks on the JoBros, as well. Nobody should ever have said that they were not impartial!

Place. cour of Condor Studio

People. Oliver Oken, Lilly Truscott, Marshall Pike, Guard Murphy (phone)

Mr. Pike saw the two intruders. "You don't look like skaters!"

Lilly donned her protective gear. "We don't do what?"

Oliver did the same.

Marshall sighed. "OK, but may you actually skate?"

Oliver grinned. "I could skatejump through a blazing hoop, if needed."

Lilly skated for a few turns, performing saltos and pirouettes.

Mr. Pike looked convinced. "OK, you've got the job!"

Lilly and Oliver high-fived.

Mr. Pike grinned. "Even more, we want you in our show Teen Gladiators!"

The two teenies bounced around on their skates, cheering fanatically.

Mr. Pike's cellular phone rang. "Marshall Pike, Condor Studio ... oh, Murphy, what's going on? ... What? A snake in the cabin of the J-O-N-A-S? I've told you to seal the hall hermetically ... what don't you understand? Oh, hermetically, as tight as can be. Whatever, this was the last time you've messed it up! You're fired! ... no, I'm not intereted in any of your foul excuses." Mr. Pike terminated the call. "You don't, by any chance, know a a suitable security guard?"

Oliver shrugged. "My mom? She's a police officer. She had been attending some special training, last year. or was it two years ago? Three years? Four years?"

Mr. Pike sighed. "OK, it's our last chance."

After some terrific hour of mayhem, Mikayla and Miley were too much exhausted for a fight.

Sonny had tried to talk some sense into Mikayla. "OK, there is that sub wig, so it isn't all lost, is it?"

Miley shrugged. "Yeah, there is a second Hannah Montana wig, in dad's safe. But what if anyone has seen us? Even worse, taken a photograph?"

Mikayla shrugged. She was too exhausted to talk. But she couldn't think of the possibility of making pictures in a room like this one.

Sonny sighed deeply. "Now we've got to stick together until after the concert. Then we may cause trouble again. I hope that Sharona isn't going to show up!"

"Sharona?" Miley and Mikayla were clueless.

Sonny explained that Sharona was one of the harshest critics of Condor's productions. "If she notices about Miley's fake identity, JoSis will be flung out, right onto the trashpile of the history of Hollywood!"

Stage Breakdown

Time. evening of the first concert

Place. the stage hall

People. Miley Stewart (initially wigged),Mikayla,Allison Monroe,Joseph Lucas, Nicholas Lucas, Kevin Lucas, Marshall Pike (background), Jason Stewart (background), Robby Ray Stewart (background), Lilly Truscott (background), Oliver Oken (background), Chad Dylan Cooper (background), Tawni Hart (background), Portlyn (background), Leslie Jake Ryan (background), Nico Harris (background), Grady Mitchell (background), Marissa Hughes, Macy (background), Zora Lancaster (hidden), Rico Suave (hidden), many anonymous people, esp. studio engineers and journalists (background)

Marissa had been chosen to moderate the event. "ladies and gents, welcome to the first duel concert of two of our greatest contemporary bands: The JoBroS vs. The JoSis!"

The audience applauded.

Marissa stepped up to the girls on the stage, and she interviewed them.

Miley, Mikayla, and Sonny were still jealous because Marissa had now been officially the girl by Jake Ryan's side, they were going to marry in a few weeks.

When Marissa was done interviewing the JoSis, she turned around, rigged and ready to talk to the boys.

As if it had been scheduled - which was not the case - Mikayla, Sonny, and Miley stabbed and poked Marissa's back with thier index fingers.

Marissa was clueless as to the origin of her sudden pains, but she had no time to lose. She walked on, and started interviewing the boys. "My cousin Macy is one of your biggest fans, you know?" Marissa waved at her relative.

Macy smiled sweetly.

The brothers had a lot to talk about.

Alas, Marissa had to tell them to hurry up. "And now it's time to start the live concert!"

The JoBros started with a song of theirs, making the public applaud like crazy.

Oliver and Lilly were disappointed. They liked the JoBros, but they would have preferred Hannah to be the first.

Alas, something appeared to be wrong with the illumination of the room, and the accoustics were somewhat screwed up, too.

The engineers tried to fix the problems, but for not too much avail.

A giggling sound was heard from the ventilations from above, but for not much avail.

The boys accused the girls of sabotaging their concert, and vice versa.

Suddenly, a clicking sound was heard.

A trapdoor opened underneath the feet of both the boys' and the girls' band, swallowing up the bands' members.

The whole concert hall bathed in chaos, and in confusion.

Place. basement below the stage

People. Allison Monroe, Miley Stewart (wigged), Mikayla, Nicholas Lucas, Kevin Lucas, Joseph Lucas, Zora Lancaster (later), Rico Suave (later)

It was dark and cool.

The youngsters were consternated.

The boys accused the girls again, making them strike back in the same way.

But they did not stay at that point.

"It's all your fault," thundered Mikayla into Miley's face, or, at least she supposed her to be there. "You and your fake wig, Miley!"

Miley was really upset. "Traitor!"

The boys would have abused the whole thing shamelessly, but they were as much at each other's throat as the girls appeared to be.

Only after an hour was Sonny able to try to put an end to the mayhem. "Don't you see that we need to work together in order to get out of here?"

The others looked dumbfounded.

Then they made plans, and they tried various things, in an attempt to figure some hidden exits.

Finally, some backdoor opened, and electric torches provided the rrom with some more light.

Rico and Zora walked in, grinning mischievously.

Miley was utterly disturbed when she saw Rico.

Allison was horribly disappointed by Zora. "Are you behind this?"

Rico nodded. "Yes, we are. Zora and I, we were tired by the endless envying wars between you jerks, and drama queens, or whatever you are. So we've deviced this test for you. It took you some time to get over your fights, and to work together, as you should have done in the very start."

The boys and girls sighed.

Zora explained even more. "Few of your fans were allowed to see you tonight. Only a few family members, and a bunch of stupid journalists. You owe a lot more to your fans, and you need to stop lying to them. Now follow us to the outside!"

The older kids followed Rico and Zora, until there was starlight at the end of the tunnel.

Place. a disco club nearby

People. Allison Monroe, Miley Stewart (wigged), Mikayla, Nicholas Lucas, Kevin Lucas, Joseph Lucas, many anymous visitors

The stars snuck into the next disco club.

Many of their fans were there, and they cheered for their idols.

The owner agreed fast with the idols on some spontaneous karaoke night.

Miley coughed. "Before we start to sing, I've got to tell you something important: There's no such thing as Hannah Montana." She ripped her wig off. "There never was, and there will never be."

The fans were flabbergasted.

Miley continued. "I'm Miley Stewart, daughter of country rock legend Robby Ray Stewart. I'm sorry to have lied to you. I did that because I wanted to live my life as normal as possible, and to hide the somewhat embarassing fact that I owe such a lot to my dad's efforts."She sighed bitterly.

Mikayla grabbed her microphone. "Mikayla is not my true name. I'm really called Alejandra Russo[2] . I"ve thought that a more exotic name would make me more popular with my fans. Sorry! And, by the way, I wear silicon pads underneath my bra!"

The fans were struck by turmoil and confusion.

Sonny took the microphone. "Really, my name is Mitchie Torres[3] , and I'm from new Jersey, and not from Wisconsin. I've lied to you because you LA kids like stories about country peaches that make their way up to the big city. I'm really sorry for that." She sobbed. "And this leather is fake, too, it's alcantara."

Kevin grabbed the microphone. "Sorry, you think of Nick, Joe, and myself as brothers, but we aren't. My real name is Jason Black. Joe is actually called Shane Gray, and Nick's true name is Nate White." He sighed with despair.[4]

His fellow band members nodded.

The fans might have had every reason to be upset at the stars, and some of them probably were. Alas, nevertheless, many of them were wearing or had done things in order to appear a lot cooler than they were for real. Now they fessed up, one by one.

Miley took the microphone, one more time. "Now let's rock, and dance the night away, yeah!"

Miley gradded Kevin, or, rather, Jason, while Mikayla, or Alejandra, grabbed Nick aka Nate.

Shane and Mitchie sang to the karaoke machine. Later, they were going to join the other dancers.

For the moment being, they seemed to be random couples, but things were not meant to stop just there.

[2] cf. Wizards Of Waverly Place

[3] cf. Cam Rock

[4] names inspired by Camp Rock


After all the incidents, Marshall Pike had to fire Oliver's mother, nancy Oken, again.

Nancy met Murphy in the next pub, and the two inept security freaks started dating.

Sharona was about writing the worst criticism any event at Hollywood had ever received. She had bribed Mr. Dontzig, envious neighbour of the Stewarts, into providing her with some filthy information about the Stewart family.

Alas, Dontzig wouldn't have needed the bribe, he had always been looking for the next best occasion to slap Robbie Ray and his family right across the face.

Pike Marshall felt consternated. His girls' band had apparently been a complete failure.

Alas, the many fans saw it differently.

Miley's private life had come to an end, but her fans fought for her.

The main request of the fan base was that there should not be two seperate bands, but only one of them, combining the boys and the girls.

A name for the band was not hard to be sought for ...

JoSiX, a band with six members: Hannah aka Miley, Mikayla aka Alejandra, Sonny aka Mitchie, Joe aka Shane, Nick aka Nate, and Kevin aka Jason.

JoSiX was going to rock all the charts, breaking the records left and right.

Sharona and Mr. Dontzig had to flee to Mexico, living from cultivatinbg and selling cactus plants.

And not only did the six sing stars stay together as a new band, the three couples, that had randomly formed upon the big revelation in the disco club, i.e. Hannah/Kevin, Sonny/Joe, and Mikayla/Nick, were bound to stay private couples.

Jackson had arranged a job for his friend Cooper in the cafeteria of Condor's. He was also offered a side rôle in MacKenzie Falls, where he had to play a brainless maniac. Well, he really didn't have to act too much, did he? He also stayed together with his Portlyn, who was as brainless as he was himself, whence they were totally unable to blame each other for their stupidity.

Oliver and Lilly were the new stars of Teenage Gladiators, and their innovative skating stunts kept the attention of millions of viewers ball and chain.

At the same time, Tawni and Chad continued making out while arguing over mirrors and lip gloss.

Time. two years after the concert

Place. Condor Studio

People. Miley Stewart, Allison Monroe, Mikayla, Kevin Lucas, Joseph Lucas, Nicholas Lucas, Jackson Stewart, Portlyn, Marissa Hughes, Leslie Jake Ryan, Oliver Oken, Lilly Truscott, Chad Dylan Cooper, Tawni Hart, Grady Mitchell, Nico Harris, Robby Ray Stewart, Marshall Pike, Rico Suave, Zora Lancaster, some reverend, some anonymous other wedding guests (background), Brenda (later), Cooper (later)

Finally, Miley and Jason were going to marry. And it was not just a real marriage, but it was taped as a special for both So Random and MacKenzee Falls.

Their fellow band members were going to follow within a few months, especially as Nate aka Nick had got Alejandra aka Mikayla pregnant.

Everyone was now ready for the Bridal Chorus from Wagner's Lohengrin.

Zora petted her violin, and she grinned before she started playing.

Rico sang along.

Faithful and true
We lead ye forth
Where love triumphant
Shall crown ye with joy
Star of renown
Flower of the earth
Blest be ye both
Far from all life's annoy

Robby Ray guided Miley down the aisle, where Maid of Honour Lilly, the bridal maids Tawni, Portlyn, Marissa, Mikayla, and Sonny, best man Oliver, and the groomsmen Chad, Jackson, Jake, Nate, and Joe were already waiting.

The reverend asked solemnly the hitherto most important questions in the lives of Miley and Kevin.

"I will," affirmed Miley.

Kevin, too, uttered an "I will!"

Suddenly, a sound of explosion was heard.

Zora and Rico chuckled.

Mr. Pike went watching. He saw flocks of whipped cream raining down from the sky.

Grady's and Nico's face were covered with chocolate sprinkles.

Rico and Zora explained that they had so seen that coming. Thus they had built that trap for greedy snitches Grady and Nico.

The cake, by the way, was a fake. It didn't taste well, and it made Nico and Grady cough, choke, and, finally, throw up.

Finally, Cooper and Brenda presented the real cake, which was shaped in the likeness of Condor Studio.

Mr. Pike grinned.

Along with JoSiX, the wedding special was going to be his greatest succes in the history of Hollywood. The explosion of the cake, even tough not planned, was the icing, it attracted more viewers than any other skit had done so far.

Rico snuggled up to Zora. They were yet too young, but in just a few years from there, their time was surely going to come.

Zora played the Witches' Dance by Niccolò Paganini, and she purred with glee, as she was already up to new pranks, assisted by her beloved Rico.

The End